Why did the baker have brown hands?

Before I begin, I would just like to quote from Darren's superb review of the action last Friday.

"From my view point it seemed that Billy, who recently admitted that he was part of the construction team that built Stonehenge, was the most motile of players."

Such a great sentence, I fear that none of mine will come close to matching this quality, despite me not knowing the meaning of at least one of the words.

Well here goes.....

Two strong looking line-ups took to the SportsPark of Dreams this evening. Conditions were perfect for a fast-flowing game and it was also not 23-a-side which was also a bonus!

The Greens scored with the first movement of the match with Simon, Darren and Rich combining before the Colours even touched the ball. This prefaced a passage of play where the Greens, with the extra player at this point, seemed to be completely dominant and were rampaging through a helpless opposition. Admittedly, there were some forays into Greens territory but these were repelled by Luke, Marcus and Piers. The Colours raised their white flag after 15 minutes or so and Luke became a Colour.

Many assumed that this would be the turning point of the game and that the tide would turn in the Colours direction. However, whilst the Colours seem to dominate in terms of possession and territory, intermittent Greens breakaways were fruitful more often than not. The youthful Billy and Guy were pulling the midfield strings and popping balls through for Tor and Zak to capitalise on.

After 30 minutes, the Colours were 6 goals behind and they were saved further punishment by the game restarting at 0-0. But confusion reigned from this point, as it seemed that some were unaware of the restart and even the most meticulous of score-keepers were at odds with each other over the correct scoreline.

The second half of the game was more evenly contested scorewise with it being level at the end. Most of the game took place in the Greens half and waves of Colour attacks were fended off. Tor's mobility and strength in the air and Zak's sheer pace and skill caused all sorts of problems in the Green defence and Frazer (pictured) was a constant thorn in the Green's side. But, the resolute Greens defence, kept the score down with some timely interceptions and a few desperate clearances. Meanwhile, Geir was managing to link the Green defence and attack and left winger Simon seemed to always be available as an outlet. When the Colours did score, Darren and Rich seemed to get on the end of many a Green breakaway to keep them in the game.

The "highlight" of the game for me was to see the Tony and Guy partnership in action. It was appropriate they were playing for the "Colours" and they played with such "style". Their passes were continually "cutting" the Greens defence to shreds and their team-mates were often left on the "fringe" of proceedings. One of Guy's "curled" passes will remain in the memory for a long time (maybe "perm"anently!).

In years to come, tonight will be remembered as the day the Greens won the first leg by six and ground out a draw in the second leg of the tie. This was a famous Greens victory considering they were a man short for three-quarters of the game!

And the punchline you've been waiting for: Because he was kneading a shit!

Where did all the space go?

Even with space at a premium tonight the goals didn't stop coming as the colours forced their way to a reasonably comfortable win by three goals against the greens.

Ten men played eleven, so this was the kind of game for skills players like Geir, Zak, Stefan, Guy, Little Tim (see left) and Tor to control the ball on a sixpence, with little backheels and dragbacks in the minutest of spaces on the pitch.

Thankfully the game didn't deteriorate into a Wimbledon style hoof and hope up to the forwards as, for the most part, the ball was kept on the ground in the midfield melee.

Geir and Stefan were doing their best to control midfield for the colours and get the ball up to Joe, Rich or Fraser, but there was simply never enough space for any kind of real flowing movement on a pitch this size.

Luke and Simon did a good job at the back for the colours, and Rob, Lee and latterly Tor did a good defensive job for the greens.

And they smote their enemy for their lack of passion

Even in distant lands the deep rumblings that emanated from Valhalla this evening where felt by unknowing foreigners.

The heroes residing there revelled in the glorious performances of their kinsmen, Tor and Geir (pictured upper left and right, resepectively). These legends from the North were punishing in their attacks on their Green opponents with an outstanding and let's face it consistently good performance from Geir.

The contest had begun with Darren and Shaughen on Greens and Colours, respectively. After some play the Greens had amassed a lead with some marvellous play by the ever talismanic and talented Guy. Great plaudits are deserving of Billy who consistently manisfested himself in the right places to hassle and more often than not take the ball from opposition attackers; a role not always lauded but so important especially when done so consistently and from an individual that makes incisive and often telling runs down the wings and into the box.

Such sterling ambition resulted in a comfortable lead for the Greens who decided that a change was necessary to attain equivalence.

The aforementioned Darren and Shaughen swapped sides and the game took on a new appearance. At the moment of change Simon 'Collosus at the Back' Hampton made an important decision of looking around and declaring the structure of those who would remain at the back and those who would stay further outfield. This master stroke gave great balance to the team. Simon was calm, composed and collected nearly all incoming speculative efforts from the Greens including some high calibre runs and turns from Guy and Rich. Indeed moments after decrying their teams inability to pass like the colours Rich and Guy executed an exquisite piece of passing that led to a goal. This, however, was not enough to calm their frustrations. The Greens lacked cohesion and seemed, despite their extra player, to have no one to pass to. A lack of movement seemed to be the issue. From my view point it seemed that Billy, who recently admitted that he was part of the construction team that built Stonehenge, was the most motile of players. I heard the rallying cries from the Greens but their efforts were futile.

With Green woes documented it has to be admitted that the colours simply put on a dazzling display. The defence was solid with Simon centre and Frazer and Baz on either side. These players were not only in the right place at the right time they also exhibited some wonderful close quarters passing in front of goal to get the ball out. With simon commanding the centre Frazer and Barry had ample opportunity to get forward and put in some great passing moves. In defensive situations Geir often dropped deep to take on the ball that was passed out from the competent defence. In front of him were Tor and Darren who put on excellent runs to confuse the Greens defences and on many occassions put away the crafted magnificence that was Geir's pass. Even with a failed attempt on goal it was the positive play of the colours that aided them. Barry and Frazer pushed forward to aid in attack and force the Greens back. Even when in their possession for a kickout the colours hassled every player with the ball and tried to block the angles for passing.

Despite the great and successful counter attacking of the Colours, the Greens defence was admirable with a great debut from Rob.

For man of the match I am opting for the man who would captain the Valhalla 11-a-side team, Geir, though I was tempted with putting Bill in their. A tighter game would have been attained if more Greens had his work rate.

Having said all that it may simply be down to the luck of the Irish. After wednesday's poor performance Darren was destined to be on the winning side!

Clifford Brothers combine again to thwart the colours

...Well it started with quality after just seven minutes. The ball was floated over with the left foot over the defence where it found the striker in acres of space in the box and he coolly slotted the ball wide of the goalkeeper's despairing dive and in off the post for his fifth goal in as many games...oops wrong game...

Seriously though - there were real quality moments in tonight's match at the Sportspark. The colours did take an early lead in the match, leading 3-1 with quality play all over the team, not least from Zak who was mopping up all of the loose balls in midfield and exploiting the greens defence with mazy dribbles and passes for forwards Rich and Roberto to pounce upon. Mark (see below) also contributed on the left wing with some useful balls into the greens box.

As time wore on however, the green team, again boosted by the 'supply and finish' of the Clifford brothers, Stefan and David respectively, forced their way back into the match and were soon 4-3 ahead. From then on it was a game of cat and mouse, as the colours pegged them back only for the greens to go 1up time and time again.

...It wasn't until the 31st minute that the colours went 1up themselves. The ball was played up from defence. The tall and powerful forward, who had been left out in the wilderness for so long, leapt high and flicked the ball on for the nimble young whippersnapper to volley the ball past the keeper once more - sheer quality...

This time it was the greens turn to reply, great midfield work from Tor and tireless effort from Billy helping them to produce the final result - a draw!

The colours' midfield dynamo Guy Myhill was disappointed with the final result, claiming his side had done enough to seal the win. Green captain Billy Gallagher agreed - "We rode our luck tonight, colours should have won this game!"

The Big Draw

A cracking game tonight which started in a cock-eyed manner, the shirts conceding a sloppy goal within seconds when the entire side was caught napping by the hungry Norwegian snapper-upper.

From early domination, the greens found themselves under the cosh. Plenty of fluent passing moves, with Gier, Zak and Darren slicing through those bibs. A few disputed decisions brought out the schoolyard best in Stef and Guy, but before long this game locked into a tense battle and was played at a terrific pace and ferocity.

Although (by his admission) he missed one or two, Rich's finishing was excellent, and the supply was plentiful. Slick moves and eager pressing kept the shirts on top, holding a two goal margin into the second half of the game. Darren was up and down the field, typifying the shirts' battling attitude.

Then came the seige. Stef and Guy were bossing midfied, and Goody and Frazer giving width. Plenty of balls into the D, but Barry, Sam (different class) and the massed footmen of the coloureds were blocking everything on the ground and in the air. The shirts were pinned in their own box for long periods - they seemed to be relishing it - even Roberto was sucked back into defence, throwing his head at the bombardment of crosses ... but some deft, sucker-punch breaks saw Gier and Zak providing quick service for Rich to punish the over-commited bibs.

But the greens kept coming back, and stayed within reach. They showed some quality finishing too, taking it in turns to bomb into the box ... Only Tom remaided an ever-present at the back. Thor and Marcus joined the final waves of attack, which finally paid off with the last goal almost as comical as the first: Stef's mis-hit pass (go on, admit it!) slipped through the normally staunch coloureds' defence and bobbled into the box for Goody to finish. A draw ... but a hugely enjoyable one.

A well-fought, evenly matched contest, without many moans once the flow of the game took over. If every Friday is as much fun as this we're laughing ...

Michael Owen on Song

Owen (pictured left) scored two sublime goals tonight in a keenly contested draw at the Sportspark. His team led by three goals early on, but the colours replied with goals of their own, taking them into a 4-3 lead at the break.

The lead was constantly changing thereafter, and no one can complain about the final score of 7-7, which was a fair result for both teams.

The first piece of magic was a deft flick of the head, as a Stefan Clifford through ball fed Owen inside the area and he calmly slotted home for his 6th goal of the season. The second, again provided by Clifford's golden boot, was a sweeping right footer almost with his back to goal for another quality finish.

When asked about his goals after the match he modestly replied, "As long as the greens got the result, that was the most important thing. Of course I love scoring goals, but they mean little when your team ends up on the losing side. I'm just glad we got the point tonight as a defeat would have been a travesty considering the way we played as a team."

Clifford (below) - provider for the greens tonight...

He's Back!

According to tabloid speculation, the late return of midfield mainman Myhill is due to a summer of over-indulgence. His agent (otherwise known as his missus) claims that the extended rest period was a much-needed recharge of those fading batteries. But rumours of a rift will not go away. Myhill has been known in years past to be the first out there, even for a two-aside hit-the-bin game. The mystery is: why was Myhill still abroad after the season proper has started? Is he sniffing around for a move? Have the knees finally given up? Is he in a huff? A la Beckham, has the flight taken too much out of him?

But now ... He's back!

The question that is on the lips of every pundit is ... will he be match-fit? Will he have the sharpness needed to compete at this level? We shall see, come Wednesday when Myhill's first outing on the astroturf will tell if the wine, the pasta and the camper van have taken their toll on an ageing star.

The cameras will be there to record the moment of truth. Is he over the summer ... or over the hill?