Sunday, 27 February 2011

Rooney's goal superceded

It had to be mentioned. It was scarely believable. In fact, did it really happen? Hmmm, let's go over the facts before we reach a conclusion.

It was Friday and the selected teams manifest a situation in which Richie 'sureshot' Stubbs was predominantly found loitering between defence and midfield. A sad affair for such striking talent, but then again like a burgeoning erection in unbuttoned pyjamas the scene was set for something to burst onto the scene and leave some of us in awe and some in horror!

Richie picked up the ball deep in his own half and proceeded to 'dribble-rape' the opposition. Such was his audacity that he dribbled across the pitch, lifted up the net and flaunted his dribbling prowess around the players on the next pitch.

A joy to watch and worth a wee mention on the blogspot me thinks.

Monday, 17 November 2008

You Shall Not Pass!






















As I watched the green bibs being handed out I have to admit I was slightly concerned with the balance of the teams. I looked across at the Greens and thought they looked a very strong team and that we might be in for a bit of a hard game. The Greens were sporting the more attacking team and with Guy and Geir in the engine room I thought that we were going to be doing well to keep in touch.
But from the kick off my concerns seemed unfounded and I have to admit I felt a little foolish for harbouring such concerns. The Colours, were straight on the offensive and before you could blink were holding a 4-0 lead. The Greens didn’t know what had hit them…..by the time they realised that they were leaving their back line short was it already too late. Adrian and Jacob were doing their best and were putting in solid displays but were finding themselves outnumbered. Chib came back to help support but found his right midfield slot not being covered and was covering 2 positions. The Colours had however found a good balance and when The Greens formidable attacking line up came forth the Colours defence rolled up their sleeves and did their best not to allow anything to pass and did some good old fashioned battling.

They threw legs, heads, toes, heels, knees…anything bar their hands in the way….With Momodou leading at the back, Matt, Pierce, Dave, Marcus were all on cracking form in defence and with the midfield of Tim, Darren and Fraser and an attacking line of myself and Zak, the balance seemed perfect……and Zak pulled in a phenomenal game up front, every cross and pass that seemed to fall into the Greens area seemed to end up at Zaks feet and shortly after in the back of the net. At one point I put a low cross in and Zak finished it with from I could see with his groin. The Colours were playing a very quick counter-attacking game which worked well due to the attacking nature of the Greens which often left themselves short at the back. The Greens were very dangerous up front with the pace of Pete, Rich and Joe and being followed up by Guy, Geir, Dan and Jarvis but they were constantly being thwarted by the Colours defence and with the Colours having Tim and Daz in the engine room in midfield they were quickly able to clear their lines and go on the offensive.
Part of the game was a bit of a blur for me as I found myself in the way of an Adrian clearance and may have seen little birdies flying around my head briefly and any onlookers may have seen me running round in small circles muttering to myself. The Greens did manage to bring the game back to within a couple of goals but the Colours managed to keep them at arms reach with a three/four goal lead for most of the game. The Greens did find a better balance later on with Rich dropping deeper but by then the damage was already done. Zak walked away with a bag full of goals, the Colours defence had held up like a brick wall, the midfield a bunch of assists and the Greens left to rue a forward heavy balanced team.

Monday, 10 November 2008

Young Vs Old!







As I finish tightening my laces I look up across the flood light lit football pitch, people are warming up and raring to go. Tonight there is a game happening which comes up every so often and only occurs when there is the right mix of players….Young versus Old!!!!
Now there is normally a pattern that arises from these matches, the olds are very organised and disciplined in their positioning and the young whipper snappers aren’t so much…..and tonight’s game appeared to fall into that all too familiar ilk.
Billy and Guy were manning the centre for golden oldies with Billy constantly shouting for them to keep their shape, “Keep ye shape ye ole fellows”. Darren, Joe and Rich formed a strong front line…and the respected elders forged into an early lead, with Guy singing his teams praises from the early exchanges “Well done ye Oldies, let us embrace this fine game we play and go forth to victory!”
But the youngsters then started to take the initiative and forge forward with Zak and James leading the front line, Momodou again was a rock at the back with Matt (thunderboot) and Pierce alongside him. Dan took up the mantle in midfield. But with a back line of Tim, Tom and Barry the oldies put a brick wall across the back line which the youngsters battled well to try and break down.
Billy tried to motivate his team “Are we made of the metal of the finest swords or mere whimpering flowers? What say ye? What say yeeeeee???”, and with this the goldens pulled the difference back to one and it appeared the game might be their’s for the taking, but alas it was not to be. A resource the youngsters had used throughout the game to good effect was the Momodou long ball, with Dan, Zak and James reaping the rewards up front.
Darren called on his team to try and battle back, “let us embrace this game and hold it against our bosoms and show these pretenders of the younger generation how the fine art of football is to be played”. But despite these calls the youngsters came out on top in what I have to say was a very good game of football, excellent stuff played from both sides!!
As I left the pitch I’m sure I heard Darren muttering under his breath, “the battle may be over today, but ye youngsters be wary of the sleeping giant, his time will come as will ye comeuppance, but that is for another day!” Not sure what he meant so I went home!
But it was a very good game of football and despite my comments on the elders I do reluctantly add that I am no whipper snapper myself anymore and will soon be added to the ranks of the Elders, but not today!

[Peoples comments and views may have been altered for entertainment purposes].

Friday, 31 October 2008

The Green Army March on as Soccernight bids a Farewell to Tor!


Well as I got into my car after the game tonight and started to ponder the evenings match and I thought about what a great game the Greens had, Wes the rock in defence....Pete, Tor and Dan running the colours defence ragged.....Geir pulling the strings in midfield....James running the left line....and I thought what a way for Tor to sign off!! But then I passed a group of ladies dressed as bunnies and I'm not going to lie to you the game clear went out of my mind.......after I regained my composure and control of my car my thoughts returned to the game. So why did the greens come out on top?, the colours had a good line up and worked hard all night.....you would take an attacking line of Rich, Chibb, Zak and Daz any day of the week...and a midfield and defence of Guy, Joe and Fraser and Barry (original founder Barry). The Colours had enough possession and attacking play but weren't able to unlock the Greens hardened defence with Wesley Terry at its helm.
As I got home I flung myself onto the sofa my thoughts again moved to the bunnies I had passed on my way home but they soon moved onto food.....I was hungry as f**k!! After consuming some prawn crackers I again wondered why the greens seemed to control a game of what I'd class as very equal teams....and the conclusion I came to was the end product. When it came to finishing at the business end of the pitch the Greens had the edge....and it was the creating of chances that led to this...the times I would see intricate passing between Pete, Dan, Geir and Dan to create openings and chances.....it was Arsenal-esq at times.
Rich was clearly not happy with the Colours attacking play, though it wasn't completely fruitless...Zak was a constant danger and Darren was putting in a battling performance, Guy was putting in a as always reassured performance in the middle. Towards the end Joe moved up front for the colours to add some more options up front for the colours.
Now by this point I had removed myself from the sofa and had found myself at the computer, checking emails, facebook etc etc....and I thought, well shall I write a blog...I am becoming concerned that I appear to the only person who writes on here...and quite possibly the only person who reads it...but then I thought hang on Mark...tonights match report needs to told, it was Tors final game....and that's when it struck me, the reason the Greens won tonight was because we had Tor....the guy signed off in style!!! It was already written, we were mere puppets in a game where the a path had already been written.
And now I find myself sitting in front of the computer in a darkened room (which is clearly not doing my eyes any favours) talking about f**king puppets and destiny and stinking of deep heat, haha. This is where I end this blog and hit the shower. Good game!!

Monday, 27 October 2008

Bloggers Wanted!!!!



BLOGGERS WANTED:



Some positions have arisen in our much sought after Bloggers Team. Do you think you have what it takes to write a review of a game of soccer? Are you potentially looking for a career in the media, well this could be the perfect first step for you. The UEA Soccernight Blog Site needs some more bloggers. We need people to write reviews for the big games on Wednesday and Friday nights....and don't tell me there aren't enough people at the games...especially Wednesdays!!



PERSON SPEC:



Requirements:


-Needs the lyrical beauty of an Irish poet.
-Needs to be able to use well know Football TV shows as a format for their review.
-Needs to be able to.....blah blah blah...
What you need to be able to do is just write a funny/informative review of the nights game...that's all....leave the beautifully crafted, lyrically intricate poetic reviews to the master himself...Darren.

Monday, 13 October 2008

Sky Sports - Football Friday!!









JEFF: Hello Sky Sports viewers, welcome to a Soccer Friday, tonight I will be joined in the studio by Paul Merson, Matt Le Tissier and Charlie Nicholas and we will be focusing on the Friday Night game at the Sports Park UEA between The Greens and The Colours. I apologise for a lack of report for Wednesdays game I think Darren may have misplaced his thesaurus. Good evening gents!

MERSON: Evening Jeff.
LE TISS: Evening.
CHARLIE: Evening Jeff.

JEFF: And of course we have our on the pitch side commentator, the ever excitable Chris Kamara!!!!!



KAMARA: Hello Jeff! Well the teams are now out on the pitch ready to kick off. The sides look fairly equal, it’s about 9 a side after adding on any late comers so thankfully it’s not a repeat of Black Wednesday which before this match was being hailed as one of the worst UEA matches ever…with reported teams of 13 a side, I’m glad we’re not seeing that tonight Jeff!!

JEFF: Indeed Chris, that is really too many players for the UEA pitch. Charlie, just before they kick off how do you think tonight will pan out.

CHARLIE: Well Jeff I think the colours will be very dangerous on the attack, they have Rich up front who has been catching Capellos eye recently but he is being backed up with Zak and Darren, that is a very dangerous front line. But saying that the Colours will have Pete, Joe and Dan on the attack.





JEFF: They were reports that Dan might have had double vision leading into this match.

MERSON: No, that’s not true, he was with me before the match…in the library……and he was fine :/




JEFF: Well the game is now underway, how have the early exchanges gone Matt?



MATT: Well Jeff, it’s a tight game as predicted and being run by the midfield maestros Guy and Geir. The Colours took an early lead but the Greens have now levelled.





JEFF: We were discussing earlier the pace that Joe and Pete give the Greens in attack.

MERSON: That’s right Darren has been phenomenally quick for the Greens going forward.

JEFF: Haha. Merce I think you’ll find Darren is on the colours team.







MERSON: Hahaha….No…no….I meant Joe….I blame Dan for dragging me down the p……..uhhhmmmm library beforehand.

JEFF: Lets go to Chris at the ground.


KAMARA: WELL JEFF IT’S INCREDIBLE FOOTBALL HERE, END TO END STUFF, GEIR, FRASER, JAMES AND ZAK ARE PRODUCING SOME GOOD ATTACKING FOOTBALL FOR THE COLOURS AND TONY IS BEING A GIANT AT THE BACK FOR THEM. THE GREENS ARE USING JOE AND PETES PACE WELL UPFRONT AND MOMODOU IS PRODUCING A MAN OF THE MATCH PERFORMANCE IN DEFENCE FOR THEM, WITH HIM AND BARRY I THINK THE COLOURS WILL HAVE TO BE AT THEIR BEST TO BREAK THEM DOWN.

JEFF: Thank you Chris, as always a loud energetic update. I think we are all slightly deafened after that. Charlie, the match is well in now what are your thoughts?

CHARLIE: Well Jeff The Greens are edging it at the moment, firstly thanks to come great, quick attacking play but secondly thanks to Barry and Momodou at the back….blocking everything Jeff!!! Darren, Tao, Geir, Zak and Rich are giving them a torrid time. But Dan, Joe and Pete are being just as menacing up front and Guy is holding a firm line in midfield, he is really holding that team together.

MATT: I agree, Momodou is putting in a sterling performance!




JEFF: Has the low sun been an issue tonight?







CHARLIE: It has played a bit of havoc with some high balls coming in but in general the teams have coped well with it.
JEFF: Merce are you with us?

MERSON: {texting}..meet you in the .....after the game. Oh!! Sorry Jeff, they’ve both coped with it really well with it Jeff!

JEFF: Ok….lets go back to Chris as the match reaches its finale.








JEFF: Chris can you hear me?? Chris!!!!!!!

KAMARA: SORRY JEFF THIS GAME IS JUST SO ENTHRALLING!! JEFF BOTH TEAMS ARE REALLY GOING FOR IT BUT THE GREENS ARE EDGING IT AND LOOKING LIKE THEY’LL NICK IT IN THE END…BUT THEY’VE HAD TO DO IT WITH SOME VALIANT DEFENDING….BARRY, MOMODOU, MATT AND MARCUS HAVE ALL BEEN CLEARING THE LINES…..DARREN AND GEIR HAVE BEEN ATTACKING FROM THE RIGHT, JAMES AND ZAK FROM THE LEFT AND RICH IN THE CENTRE THEY JUST CAN’T FIND A WAY PAST JEFF AND TAO IS PUTTING IN A BATTLING DISPLAY!

JEFF: Chris both teams have played some good football today, has the difference been the finishing?

KAMARA: WELL JEFF BOTH DEFENCES HAVE BEEN SOLID BUT THE COLOURS HAVE JUST BEEN ABLE TO BATTLE ON THE LINE THAT BIT BETTER….DESPITE TONYS EFFORTS, HE HAS WON EVERYTHING HE HAS GONE FOR IN THE AIR TONIGHT!! BUT PETE HAS BEEN DEADLY IN FRONT OF GOAL AND JOE’S PACE HAS BEEN A CONSTANT THREAT. HE HAS IN SOME QUARTERS BEEN DUBBED THE UEAS ANSWER TO THEO WALCOTT!

JEFF: Thank you Chris…..Well as we speak the final whistle has just gone with the Greens winning it by a couple of goals. Matt what are your thoughts.






MATT: A very good game, even teams and some good passing attacking football played.



CHARLIE: I agree, it was good numbers tonight unlike the apparent hoards on Black Wednesday, the teams were even and there was enough space to have a good game of football.




JEFF: And what did you think of the game Merce?

JEFF: Merce…………..Where's Merce gone?













JEFF: Ok well thank you, I hope you enjoyed the game and see you next time!!

Saturday, 4 October 2008

Match of the Day 2













GARY: Good evening all and welcome to a special edition of Match of the Day 2. Tonight we will be looking at extended highlights of last nights big fixture and arguably one of the biggest derbies around....UEA Greens vs UEA Colours.








GARY: Now joining me tonight on the couch are my faithful comrades Alan Hansen, Alan Shearer and Mark Lawrenson. Good evening gents.


HANSEN: Good evening
LAWRO: evening
SHEARER: Evening Gary





GARY: Well lets start off by looking at the strength of the teams, some say that the Colours may have looked stronger to begin with especially with the Guy/Billy pairing in midfield and Rich up front?
LAWRO: Well Gary thats nonsense because a couple of minutes into the game and the Greens had recruited Geir and Zak and with Pete up front they were always going to be a danger.
SHEARER: I agree, I think once the late comers had turned up the teams were fairly equal...but saying that the Greens got off to a much stronger start.
GARY: They did indeed and it was up to one man to try and pull the colours together....
HANSEN: Yeah and boy did he!! Billy was not happy with the colours shape early on and rightly so, they were all over the place, a real mess!! So he pulled Mark back from a congested midfield into a more Makelele role, just in front of the defence lead by Tony.
GARY: And after the early drubbing the colours seemed to pick up then...
LAWRO: Well thats right, it seemed to give them the lift they needed because Zak and Pete were really killing them at the back, the colours were always short changed, especially with Keiths high balls coming in and almost immediately the colours responded with some fluent attacking moves from Dan, Darren and Rich.

GARY: It seemed at one point that the match may have been the colours for the taking as they forged into the lead but the Greens responded with some powerful football...

HANSEN: Oh boy did they! The greens needed some big performances at this point and they got some. Pete and Zak were massive up front for them but Geir and Fraser were causing all sorts of problems on the left wing and Barry, Keith and Matt were putting some battling displays at the back.




GARY: Now lets talk to our commentator for the match, a man who had very kindly come back to take the reigns for this encounter....John Motson...

MOTTY: Good evening Gary, well it was a wet cold afternoon and we had the squaring of of 2 juggernauts. There had been a lot made of in the build up to this game, not least of which was around the limpness of a certain someones dick. haha. But the match was a rugged, battling affair with neither team willing to give in, both teams were ahead at points but it looked anyones game but in the end the Greens were triumphant.


GARY: Yes the Greens were triumphant at the end after a pulsating finish to the game...


SHEARER: The Greens definitely finished the stronger of the two, they were able to exploit the Colours at the back after the Colours went chasing the game. Haha, I think at one point Piers and Tony both said "fuck this we're both going up front", leaving only one at the back for the Colours, but no one can blame them they had both put in determined displays.



GARY: We would like to apologise for any inappropriate language used there. Now there were a couple of surprise spectators at the game, a certain Mr Trappatoni and Mr Ramos.










LAWRO: Two very interesting appearances indeed, I don't think a certain Mr Darren Sexton did himself any harm tonight after coming onto Trappatoni's radar recently. I think the Republic could do with a big striker upfront to play alongside Keane and Darren certainly fits that bill.
GARY: And it has been reported in the press that Man City were potentially looking at a January swoop for Zak....
HANSEN: Well that would make a formidable attacking line up...Robinho, Zak, Elano, Wright Phillips and don't forget they were considering a cheeky swoop for captain Guy at the end of the transfer window.
GARY: Indeed. Well I'm afraid that is the end of tonights show, I'd like to thank you for joining us tonight and I'd like to thank our guests, the two Alans, Motty and of course one Lawro. Now I hope you are all wrapped up for the cold weekend and may there be no limp dicks tonight.

[Cameras stop rolling]

GARY: Right lets get down to the real business, who's up for an arm wrestle?
HANSEN: I'm in!
SHEARER: 50 quid on Hansen
LAWRO: Never its Lineker all the way, i'll match your bet!